Withstanding the Test of Time: East DuPage County Edition

Spending 40, 50, 60 years in a marriage isn’t impossible. But in this day and age, a couple is lucky to remain together long enough to make it past their seven-year itch. Nurturing a healthy relationship takes effort from both sides. We talked to some professionals and the real pros — a longtime married couple — to get their suggestions on how to maintain a positive relationship.

John Cozza and his wife, Sally, look over family pictures in their home at Beacon Hill. The Cozza's just celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary on January 12th. STAFF PHOTO BY SARAH MINOR

LOMBARD COUPLE John, 83, and Sally Cozza, 80   NUMBER OF YEARS MARRIED: 58

John and Sally Cozza met through their company’s bowling league, as Sally played as a substitute one evening. And you can say that John was immediately bowled over by Sally. “I noticed her right away because the first ball she threw went into the gutter,” he says with a laugh. The couple married on Jan. 12, 1952, and put seven children through college thereafter.

How have you been able to maintain a healthy relationship through the years? “We were both very busy with keeping house, working and taking care of the children,” Sally says, “but being as busy as we were, we arranged to go out at least once a week without the children.” The couple also took frequent trips, visiting all fifty states. “I give all of the credit to my wife for holding this marriage together,” John says. “She’s an amazing woman.”

Licensed Clinical Practitioner
Stella M. Nicholson
Stella M. Nicholson & Associates, 2200 S. Main St., Suite 305, Lombard
(630) 620-5100

“To have a healthy relationship, the foundation of that relationship needs to be based on trust and respect... and to maintain that relationship, I think there has to be date nights. Young couples tend to get caught up with the children and don’t nurture their relationships.”

Director and Senior Therapist
Carol Mary Sitowski
Focused Therapies, L.L.C., 96 West Moreland Avenue, Suite 11 A –C, Addison
(630) 543-8400

“Communication is really, really important. When your life is really busy, you and your spouse are like two ships in the night... A couple should have communication in the sense of saying what they feel without putting the other person on the defense.”

Marriage and Family Therapist
Glenda Rogers
Center for Contextual Change, 180 W. Park Ave., Suite 160, Elmhurst
(630) 833-1028

“How a couple manages conflict is a key component in creating a healthy relationship. Conflict in and of itself is not problematic, it is the way that the conflict is addressed that often causes more damage to relationships... For example, many couples get stuck in the blame-withdraw pattern. This is where one partner criticizes (“You never help around the house!”), and the other becomes defensive and/or shut down from the conversation. If a couple is able to identify what is not working in how they deal with conflict, then they can become allies against their problematic cycles and create a healthier way of managing conflict.”

Pastor
Rev. Kerry Waller
Christian Church of Villa Park, 1336 S. Villa Ave., Villa Park
(630) 833-7262

“Communication and shared values and enjoying each other’s company.”

Bartender
Ann Apergis
The Club, 113 N. Addison Ave., Elmhurst
(630) 832-0113

“Respect and trust.”

A couple's weekend
Learn about your spouse through a Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend. The weekends are designed to give married couples the opportunity to learn a technique of loving communication, to look deeply into their relationship with each other and God and share their feelings, hopes and dreams with one another. A weekend is scheduled in Wood Dale in June. To find out how to register, visit www.wwme.org.

Argue less, agree more
Find out ways to argue less and agree more on finances, intimacy and the children at a workshop for couples offered at the Center for Contextual Change in Elmhurst. Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor Tim O’Donohue leads the bi-monthly workshop, with the target of organizing and approaching major areas of conflict in a relationship. The cost is $150 per couple. To register or for more information, call (847) 676-4447, ext. 331, or visit www.centerforcontextualchange.org.